@PenguinUKBooks to extend their range of MEDIOCRE CLASSICS

21 Oct

Warren Draper

Morrissey Mediocre

Following the success of Morrissey’s stunningly mundane ‘Autobiography’,Penguin Books have decided to release an entire range aimed exclusively at affluent, middle-aged, white people.

Richard Branson Mediocre

When questioned about the decision the overseer of the new Mediocre Classics range of titles, Sir Gideon Farquhar Ponsalot, said that: “Banal is the new Black.

Nigel Slater Mediocrity

Adding: “If Harry fucking Potter can be sold as adult literature then why can’t Morrissey be treated with the respect he so clearly deserves.”

Heston Blumenthal Mediocre

“People need to understand that the age of great literature is long dead. Even that cretin, Michael bloody Gove, recognises the fact that nothing decent has been published since 1871.”

Kirstie Allsopp Mediocrity

“Why not give the c-list celebrities a chance? It worked for ball room dancing!”

Dan Snow Mediocre

Don’t worry if you’re too tight to buy the Mediocre Classics range, each publication is bound to be serialised in The Telegraph or the Daily Mail by the end of the…

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